Here’s to you, whoever you are
Speech is for the convenience of those who are hard of hearing.
—Henry David Thoreau
One of the many blessings of growing old is a certain integrity of smile. There is an instant of delay between cause and effect in which we’re invited to wonder if an elderly person is going to smile at all. I admire this inordinately. The sheer amount of electrical energy required of the young to smile all too often and laugh all too loudly is appalling.
I suppose it’s rooted in desire to please, a disease which handles the elderly more gently than it does the rest of us.
It’s not that their facial muscles and nerves are failing them; the elderly simply allow themselves the luxury of pondering whether something is funny or whether they like someone enough to smile. Neurologists and other experts might disagree, but I think the elderly have a lot to teach us in this department.
Canned laughter and exhibitionism may have their uses in a consumerist society, but the elderly don’t provide much of a market for them.
When I was a young reporter I often thought I could disarm interviewees with charm. I can’t remember how many times I was brought up short when an elderly person just looked into my eyes, trying to decide if I was worth the interview, and here I thought I was in charge. I learned over time to have more respect, and I then I got better interviews.
Indeed, when it came to reporting small town America I soon learned that if I wanted to understand anything I’d better start sitting on park benches and hanging out at the drug or hardware store. The young had a lot to say but not much light to shed. I had entirely too much to say, and learning how to be a good reporter was largely learning how to keep my mouth shut.
Nobody ever told me I smiled too much or tried too hard to please, but getting to know myself pretty much coincided with my old age. I found I wasn’t by nature the person I had been trying to be. I was, in fact, austere and even a bit severe. It seemed a little scary to meet this more forbidding guy so late in life, and I think that’s what I’m talking about in the elderly. They’ve met themselves.—DM
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